Dashley, Marshall, & Elise, and Joel!!!: Joel's Birth

I feel very blessed. Joel Alan came into the world Saturday November 10. I was 3 weeks early. Everyone is doing great. Here is Joel's birth story and a whole lot of pictures! This is my journal entry so I didn't leave many details out (its VERY long and somewhat personal) so read it or don't but be sure to look at the ADORABLE pictures at the end!

Lets start at the beginning. Derek and I felt strongly we should have another little buddy so we did our best to find a supplemental insurance since ours stinks. When you are a self-employed doctor, insurance is ridiculously high. We found out we were expecting in March and would be due in November. I called my obgyn and hospital to figure out costs- yikes! We budgeted for the year and things would be tight to pay for this baby all out of pocket. We moved forward...

I have a friend here in Riverton that was pregnant and planning a home birth. I thought that was a bit extreme and risky but respected her decision. Well, it got me thinking. She told me it is safe and a whole lot cheaper. I still wanted to give birth in the hospital and called her midwife to see if she could be my primary care giver and then help me in the hospital. She said she couldn't deliver in the hospital. I was bummed and was about to get off the phone with her. We talked for quite a while. Its not that she 'talked me into it' because even she said during this conversation that it is not for everyone to have a home birth and she doesn't talk people into it. She told us to watch a movie called 'The business of being born.' Its a movie about the difference between a hospital birth and a home birth. The hospital birth depicted was exactly the experience we had had with Marshall. A slew of interventions leading to a very difficult delivery and recovery. We prayed about it and I felt very confident about it. We went with the midwife and moved forward...

When I was almost 35 weeks pregnant a few different things happened and we were unable to have the home birth as planned. That week was very hard. I had planned and prepared for something that wasn't going to work out. I was confused because of how sure I was that a home birth was the right path for our family. We prayed about it and decided that we would have a hospital birth (rather than seeking out another midwife or relocating to a city with a birth center). Again, a very hard decision. The day we found out that we couldn't do a home birth Elise got really sick and was up most of the night throwing up. I had a lot of time to think. The Lord really did comfort me and set my mind at ease about the whole labor and delivery. I knew everything would be okay. I am so grateful to know that I can talk to my Father in Heaven on such a personal level and receive answers to very difficult decisions. I made an appointment to visit an OBGYN the following week.

That same week on Marshall's birthday, October 26th, I was in the kitchen getting ready for a very big birthday party. We had over 30 people coming to our house for a scooby doo shin-dig and I had been running around like crazy trying to get everything ready. Derek was working on the mystery machine cake and I was finishing up some caramel popcorn when I started to feel different. I have the type of body that starts having contractions at 20 weeks. Braxton Hicks make up at least half of my pregnancy. Anyway, I started to feel contractions and a lot of pressure. For a while I thought I might be in labor! The contractions went away but the pressure did not. We had an awesome birthday party for Marshall with a lot of really good friends. Our neighbor brought her grand-daughters and when she saw me she said, "You dropped!" I wasn't sure because I have a very short abdomen as it is so how can you tell?

Turns out she was right. The intense pressure was indeed the baby dropping. My OBGYN told us that he had in fact dropped and was fully engaged in my pelvis getting ready to come. *this part gets a little graphic so if it bothers you move to next paragraph* She told us that my cervix was behind his head. I got excited because I thought that might mean he would come a little early. But after reading a lot of different birth and pregnancy stories on the internet I discovered that women that had this same situation could still go full term and beyond. A week went by of baby's head pushing firmly on my bone sending a pain all the way down my leg. By the next week I had been contracting a lot so was very disappointed to find out that there was no change. With every contraction Joel was being shoved into my bone with the cervix still behind his head. My doctor said that if Joel would just tilt his head upward he could catch the lip of my cervix and the contractions might start meaning something. It was a painful two weeks but I actually am very grateful that it worked out the way it did. This is just what I personally think- that Joel was ready to come but my body was not ready to let him. So in the end I am grateful that my cervix was behind his head preventing him from coming any sooner.

On friday the 9th I went swimming in the morning with my mother-in-law. At the beginning of the pregnancy I would swim laps but since I had been feeling more pain I had been taking it easier walking back and forth and floating in the water. Not that morning. I had a burst of energy! I swam 1200 yards in 45 minutes which is not necessarily super fast but for a very pregnant and uncomfortable pregnant woman it is pretty good. My mother-in-law asked me how I was feeling and I told her, 'great! I have so much energy!" She told me to be careful because the day she had Derek she scrubbed the entire bathroom.

I went home and got on with the day. Around 8 I started to feel contractions. Like I said, contractions aren't new to me but this early in the morning it was unusual to have so many and so intense. I noticed too, that Joel was no longer pushing on my bone- he had moved. I also started feeling back pain. I called my Mom and she thought that it was probably labor especially because of the burst of energy in the morning. I called my mother-in-law and she thought it was labor because of the back pain. I called my sister Hilary and she thought that it could be labor but wanted me to see if they stayed consistent. They did. By this point I had tried Derek several times and turns out his phone was dead. I finally called his office and had them interrupt Derek in the middle of the exam to come to the phone. I told him I thought I was in labor and would call him if it got really bad but to just plan on coming home for lunch. My mother-in-law came to get kids and I took a nap. Laying down really slowed them and I only had two in an hour. This led me to believe that I wasn't really in labor. I had already told my Mom to come and Hilary to get ready. I was so bummed. When my Mom got there I told her that I wasn't realy in labor and she could go home. We decided to go to wal-mart to walk around and just see if anything would start. Same story- I had contractions but they weren't frequent. My Mom decided to stay for another day.

That night I sent Derek to his parents to watch a Jazz game and played boggle and Skopa with my Mom. All throughout the games I contracted and they seemed to intensify and speed up. My Mom told me she thought I was in labor. By 3 in the morning I was sure I was in labor. I called Hilary to come. It was a realy bad snow storm and not good timing for her girls but she came anyway. Bless her heart! When I stood up and walked around they came more quickly. Laying down really did slow them down and since I didn't want Hilary to miss the birth (and the intense part of labor!) I laid down and took it really easy. When we knew she was a half hour away I started walking around and really got the contractions coming. We went to the hospital around 12 and Hil got there around 12:30.

I was at a 5 and almost fully effaced. Hilary, my Mom, and Derek coached me through each painful grueling contraction. I told the nursing staff right away that I didn't want an epidural, IV, and monitoring. I did need to be monitored a little but they were so great helping me meet my labor and delivery expectations. At one point a nurse bent over on the ground and held the monitor to my stomach to hear the baby's heart beat. After 30 hours of being in labor and hardly any sleep, they told me I was at a 7. After months of thinking I would be delivering at home with no meds and trying to prepare mentally for this I had promised myself and made Derek promise too, that I would not get an epidural. I told him that there would be a point where I would beg for one and that his job was to tell me he knew I could do it. This already is a very long account so I won't go into detail about my determination to not have an epidural. The main reason being that I wanted to have that rush of endorphins and immense love for my baby after he was born. I didn't get that with Marshall's birth and refuse to not have that control again.

As expected I told Derek I didn't think I could do it and wanted an epidural. He was a champ and coached me right through it despite getting yelled at. what a guy! At this point I really needed a change. I asked to get in the bath down the hall. The bath relaxed me and took the edge off... at first. When I realized I didn't have time to breath in between contractions I knew I was close. I debated having him in the tub but decided against scaring the nursing staff to death and making it so future laboring women couldn't use the bath I made myself promise to get out as soon as a contraction ended. I jumped up and got as far as outside the bathroom door to the birthing ball when my water broke and I felt like pushing. I yelled, "He's coming! I have to push!" I then had 5 people rushing me down the hall and back to my room while yelling, "Don't push!!" I was thrust back onto the bed and pushed about 3 times before the little guy made his appearance. It seems a bit comical and for that I am grateful because I have never felt so close to death before.

Yesterday in church the speaker quoted another talk in which a lady expressed her gratitude for getting through the shadow of death of birth to have healthy great babies. I relate to her. My pain tolerance is null and I have to say I felt every bit of that 31 hour labor experience. The Lord and my awesome family got me through the hardest experience I have faced thus far.
They put Joel on my chest and we had a moment before they whisked him away to give him oxygen. I tore so was in a lot of pain but for the most part I got the experience I asked for.

Looking back I now know that everything was as it should be. I was supposed to go to the midwife. Going to her and preparing myself mentally for a home birth empowered me and gave me the strength to still have a natural birth. I don't like to do hard things and have always been one to try to get out of anything that makes me uncomfortable. Someone once asked me why I felt like I needed to be on a mission instead of marry Derek right away and this is one of the reasons. I feel like the Lord wanted to teach me to do hard things. He wanted to teach me how to cope and face trials. I can't say I completely learned this on my mission but it definitely helped. Birth was one of these experiences- a VERY uncomfortable situation that I coped through and successfully delivered Joel Alan.

He came out looking just like his siblings. He is a SWEET heart and even though its hard to get up every couple of hours in the night to feed him it is so worth it to have that time with him.

The kids LOVE him and smother him. They are overly helpful and this can be stressful but it is so AWESOME to see them with him. Lisey calls him, "Baby Jor" because she has a hard time saying the letter L. Marshall likes to give him hugs and tell him how much he loves him.

I am so blessed. Derek is my rock and is SOOO good to me. He is an unbelievable human being. Can someone really be that wonderful? My Mom stayed over a week and calmed and took care of me. Hilary drove through a snow storm and left her sweet girls to be there for me. I have a wonderful family that lets me be apart of their life even if I don't get to see them as often as I want. I feel so loved. I have in-laws that are so giving of their time and love. I never want to move away from them and their kindness. I also have wonderful friends here that I feel I can call for anything and they are more than willing to help. I have BEAUTIFUL children that fill my days with joy and laughter. I have a home, I have food to eat, a car, a free country, and the right to worship my God freely. Most of all I have a loving Savior that takes my hand in his when life gets tough and even when it doesn't. He is ALWAYS there for me. It is so appropriate that this week is Thanksgiving. My heart is full.